I don't want children, I don't like children and I don't like my brother, so why would I like my brother's child? So leave me alone and stop forcing me to care about my own eggs and other peoples' children.

This post is about a couple of things. Firstly, my own choice not to want children. I do not force this issue onto others. I love seeing my friends happy with their children. Secondly, those that do force their ideals on me about children. Be it friends with children, and friends of my parents' who have had children (and aunts) who continually comment I will want children one day, as if I'm still an 18 year old with years ahead of me to decide. I made my decision when I was young, and I still feel the same way now. If I don't force my beliefs that Humankind are ruining this planet, and that you should adopt a child rather than bear your own, then you should not tell me that my time is running out and that I will want kids "in a couple of years". You should also not tell me when I'm 40,50,60,70 that I am a cat lady because of my choices.

It isn't wrong to not want children. But just like with religion as an example - it's unfair to force your own beliefs on another person.

I feel kind of bad. Mum absolutely adores my brother's very new baby, and his girlfriend and her 3 year old daughter. But, Dad and I really do not care. Dad is cautious; and I'm just plain in contempt of someone in my family having children. It goes further than my dislike of children, because in this case, I'd prefer to hang out with the 3 year old than with my brother and his girlfriend. I feel bad because I cannot feel the same way as Mum does - I can't even make myself pretend. So, instead, I feel bad for her. Then, I get annoyed by the things she does.

Of course, I'm pleasant to them - well, the girlfriend anyway. She is a lovely woman, but if she wasn't younger than me, I would be of the belief she would have been one of my torturers at school - because she is of that "popular, gorgeous, social" personality.
Honestly, aside from having nothing in common with her, it feels that every time I'm around her, she is judging me for being 30 without man nor child, and that I just moved back onto the family property. The fact is though, that she knows nothing about me other than what my brother has told her - and he knows little about my life, what I went through, what I've been doing the last 8 years in Sydney, who I've dated - he doesn't even know about my injuries from a motorcycle accident. Nor does she know that I wasted 6 years pining over my ex as we still lived together, and five of those years I have been too injured to think about being with anyone. I am just so far removed from the child-bearing mentality, that we have nothing to talk about, and I would prefer to talk about the latest silly antics of the actors on WWE than what colour the baby's poo is today. That's Mum's preference - not mine. I haven't held the baby, and I don't want to hold her. I don't even trust myself picking my fur-babies up. But, Mum pushes that onto me, and makes me feel guilty for saying "no".

Everytime Mum forces me to endure hearing about the baby's nappy, or looking at pictures of the baby, or letting the step-grandchild get on my trampoline with muddy feet, this is how I feel. Thanks Kira.

Dad has a similar disinterest - he has had his time as a father, and it doesn't matter how pissed off Mum becomes by Dad's disinterest, he isn't going to be forced into being a more active grandfather than giving the older child chocolate as a treat. This does not make him, nor I, bad people. Dad also doesn't like cats, but he is friendly to mine and is the one to help me when I'm in a panic trying to help one out of a fix (from nail clipping, to water-feeding via syringe). He is a very caring man, and will help out where he can - but just because he doesn't want to be forced into situations where he has to talk to the girlfriend's parents, and holding the baby, does not make him bad. I wish Mum would just let up about it. She has been highly pissed off ever since Christmas when my eldest brother - who never wanted to bother spending Christmas with us, since he was 16, suddenly demanded Dad and Mum to make an appearance at his girlfriend's parents' place. A woman who my brother had not introduced them to, before. Dad is a ladies man and very friendly when he isn't forced into a situation, but like me, he doesn't want to be forced to make-nice with people he doesn't know - especially not for Christmas, and especially not for a sibling who hurts Mum every year when he doesn't even bother to come around to open his presents, doesn't call, text or make any other show of care, nor wish them happy birthday. So, Mum went and Dad did not. Weeks of argument ensued. I understood where Dad was coming from - my brother is selfish and only ever calls or visits when he wants Dad to do something. My brother doesn't even bother acknowledging my presence whenever I am there and he turns up. He's almost forty and he is immature - too immature to have a baby, and otherwise ready-made-family, if you ask me.

Brax is like my brother in a number of ways - but very unlike him in others.

When he talks, he sounds like (and rather looks like a more lean, muscled version) of Brax from Seven's Home and Away. I.e., "no" is "nu'uh". So, even his mannerisms don't sell him as the father type. Then again, Brax brought up his two brothers quite well... Anyway, back on topic. It is extremely frustrating for me, and Dad that all these expectations from a bad son started falling on our shoulders once my brother felt his own life was coming together.

You won't see one of fertility goddess on my mantlepiece. Maybe /inside/ my fireplace.

Two days after I arrived back home from living in NSW my brother demanded I attend the birthday of his new step-daughter. Of course, I had to say no because my animals were stressed. My plan was not to go anywhere for a month after moving back. My brother wouldn't have that, though - he had a tantrum about the fact I wouldn't go. But, not to me - to Mum, making me look bad. I stood my ground and instead sent a message to his girlfriend explaining my situation, and she understood that two days after I bring animals to a new city, after a traumatic plane ride, sans one owner and a new apartment stinking of fresh paint and dog, was just too soon to leave my animals alone. Not only that - he didn't invite the middle sibling, my other brother. He has learning difficulties, and isn't the best with social interactions. So, my eldest brother didn't think he should be invited. I'm not going to go to something without my middle brother being invited. It is just cruel. It isn't as if his learning disability is outwardly evident - he just talks too much at times.

In between writing this and looking at Slender Man pics, I stumbled upon this website, with a post that resembles me and my disdain at being told continually "you're 30, when are you going to have children? You're almost over the biological time-bomb age where your kids will have issues...".

And Mum. She has turned into a googly-eyed, clucky woman with a renewed adoration of children that she is trying to force on Dad and I. Not only that - but she is letting the step-daughter get away with things in our house that my brothers and I were never allowed to do. I don't care whether she is blood-relative or not, she's a gorgeous little girl, but letting her get away with stuff you didn't let us do is just rude. She has dismissed any rules she ever had for us, even if it means utilising my own property to do it. I.e., the girl was running around the house, jumping on furniture, almost broke my expensive camera after jumping on IT, bending all our photos we no longer have negatives for, sliding down the stairs, going into my bedroom in the house -the door of which was shut, and pulling all of my stuffed animals out to play with the kids we didn't know - and my scuba equipment which was in the room (!!!), and to take the cake: encouraged her to jump on my trampoline I bought last year with filthy, muddy feet. Myself and my brothers were never allowed to do any of those things. We could never take friends into other peoples' bedrooms, we were't allowed to run around the house, we weren't allowed to slide down the stairs, we could not go on the trampoline with other people, nor with our shoes on, and furniture bouncing was a no-no. Mum's excuse now? "But she has such TINY feet. As if they will do any harm on your trampoline." Oh, I'm sorry you brought me up to never use the family trampoline with SHOES ON, let alone muddy shoes. I lay on that trampoline and use it for REHABILITATION goddamnit. I don't want muddy shoe prints all over it, as much as I don't want bird crap on it. Everything the girl does is given a ridiculous excuse by Mum. And I'm sure the baby will be, too, when she's old enough to walk. It frustrates me so much that she could be so desperate to have grandchildren that she would dismiss everything she regarded right, for her own children.

It's my choice to be single and child-free :: besides, with my back injuries, I couldn't have children if I wanted.

Mum has photos of the baby sitting on the laptop, and calls me in, or forces Dad to look at her. I feel really bad because I don't really care that she's taking a bath, or cuddling a plush bunny, or peeing into her nappy. Quite simply though, I do not care about my brother nor his children. Aside from my disinterest in holding children, only people who know me online would know that I don't like children - I will play with them, and I don't mind being around them with my friends who have them; but I don't want to be guilted into falling in love with a baby/child, or forced to hold or care for one. I will play with the girl, but mostly that's so the mother has time off to talk to Mum for a while. I love that my friends have gorgeous little boys and girls, and that they are good parents, but that doesn't mean I want to be actively involved with the children.

Mum has become just like those ignorant parents you see at a restaurant, ignoring their child who is ruining your relaxing meal. She just doesn't see anything wrong with forcing children on others.

I dislike my brother and his neglect for our parents; his disrespect of our other brother; I dislike my mother's forceful nature when it comes to Dad and I with my brother's family, I dislike Mum's mixture of grandchildren-cluckiness and menopausal antagonistic attitude "if I don't get my own way, I'm going to make both of your lives' hell" (and boy does she); I'm just terribly sick of it. She just can't understand the fact that I don't agree with raising children in this broken, dying world. I don't like Humankind - the world and animal-life with it would be better off if Mankind disappeared without a trace. Man is inherently evil, narcissistic and selfish and add on top of that my family's curse, and you've got a mixture of great reasons not to force the world to endure more generations of humans. Then you've got the OCD, asthma and eczema/dermatitis problems we suffer so badly with. My brother does not have OCD, but he knows darn well what it's like with asthma and eczema. And the chances are, that child will have OCD, eczema and asthma as bad as I have it. All three tend to be passed down - severe OCD skipping generations, and landing on the unsuspecting. The way I've always been treated as a severe sufferer of OCD is just unfair to push onto another child - let alone the emotional torment and the physical pain the ticks cause.

I'm fine with living with pets and that is all. Don't call me a cat lady, because that is highly offensive to women with a choice. You are discriminating against us. It is my choice to be single and childless and it isn't stupid, it was a choice made which is modern and informed. On top of that, healing my broken body then restarting my career is more important to me. I'm not barren. But even if I were, if I wanted kids I'd adopt. This is not the 1940s and prior - a woman's life is not EVER determined successful by the husband who owns her, nor the kids she has bred.

Just like I believe everyone should get their pet from the pound/RSPCA/other adoption, I think kids should not be born until all adopted children have homes, also.

Labels: babies, brother, child-free, childless, children, family, guilty, I don't care, I don't want children goddamnit, I don't want kids, mother, no children, shut up and leave me alone, zero babies, zero children