Had a pretty crappy day today, but it ended well.

Last night I mis-stepped on my top (very steep) bedroom steps. I fell over into my bedroom, scaring the hell out of my poor man-cat who had been sleeping on my bed. In a great deal of pain, I consoled my poor puddy-tat that everything was ok. Anyway, because of how I saved myself by stepping with the arch of my foot on the top step, it is bruised to buggery and I can barely walk.

Fast forward to this afternoon. I had another appointment with a GP who was once a ear, nose and throat specialist. I have been deaf in my right ear for a month now, due to some infection my normal GP couldn't work out. I couldn't afford to go to a current specialist, being a student who, for reasons I've never listed here regarding injuries sustained in a motorcycle accident a few years ago, cannot work on top of being a student - I deal with a great deal of pain on a daily basis. Anyway, I went to him. The first time, he bulk billed me. This time, nope. Refused. So, I overshot my credit card (I have no money right now), and had to end up using my ex's cc details just to pay for the double appointment. As if it isn't bad enough that I have to sit there and deal with a man shoving a metal hook down my ear, and pay for petrol to get there (40 mins away), and the numerous bloody scripts I've had to pay for - some of which haven't been on the PBS, for this problem. Then, whilst he has the hook down my ear dragging out the most disgusting crap I've seen come out of an orifice, he states "why don't you try a Diflucan One - they're about $20. I've sent off another swab to be checked out - but just in case it is thrush in the ear, which is easy enough to get, try that stuff." He also indicates that even though my hearing is restricted in my right ear, I should not be hearing ringing - thus I need to go to a real specialist for my ears. I could apparently get dementia sooner if I don't get my ears seen to. WTF? So, anyway - even though he wouldn't let me bulk bill this time I STILL have to go in and see him again on Friday for even more hooking of crap out of my ear. YAY, even poorer.

So, after putting even more money on my ex's cc (he knows - it's why I have the card: for emergencies like this), I feel even more shit for having to rely on him. All the time I'm getting angrier. Angry that in the last few months this infection has gotten to this stage; angry that I've been to five different doctors who have done nothing but gotten me to buy 3-6 scripts each, "just in case the medication works"; angry that most of those medicines are NOT on the PBS system, thus are expensive ($40+); and angry that yet another of my body's fuck-ups isn't able to be figured out. Currently, I try and ignore the intense pain from my constant head pain, my constantly bruised internally knees, my twice reconstructed shoulder, and my three torn discs in my lower back; plus my severe OCD, PMD, IBS, eczema, constant ear problems, allergies, poor eyesight, and a couple of other problems that affect my life in ways I try not to think about.

I mean seriously: fuck you universe. Noone has figured out what is wrong with my head, noone can help with my knees and lower back, noone can help with my OCD, PMD and eczema, I can't afford laser surgery, and noone can figure out how to fix the last couple of things. I'm a fucking mystery.

Every time I go to the doctor they have to bring the most experienced doctor in for a consult. SERIOUSLY, surely I'm not that much of a zebra? It's not as if any of it is EXOTIC. I'm a horse, not a fucking zebra. So fix me!

Anyway, I also had to get petrol, which led to a $73 deficit on his cc as well. Fuckit. Was followed by dangerous fucks all the way home, because my going 80km/h is not fast enough. I was highly strung, having spent too much time alone and having eaten nothing since the Up n Go and Pepsi Max that morning. So, when I stopped my car outside gate number two of three I have to open on our property (new gate), I was just fucking wrought with aggression. Everytime I opened the gate backways, it swung back. Then I swung it forwards, and it swung back. I couldn't open the gate to get my car through. Limping like a fuckhead, I screamed curses at my father and belted up to the front door like the hunch back of notre dame, punching the thing hard and screaming at him. I was hurting and pissed off. I made him come out and get pissed off too, and I scared the hell out of Ash from the shouting. I finally got my car through, and pulled up at my place. I stayed outside for ages fiddling around in my little shed, fixing things up, making room.

I then opened the box I'd picked up at the post office. I had expected it was the swivel sweeper I had ordered a month and a half ago (that's another pissed off point). But it wasn't - it was a gift package from my ex. A box with a cool little bag in it, with an iPhone 5 64gig, new sim card, Brumbies 2012 membership hat, two shirts and a hat from his visit in the US to Yosemite, heaps of hotel bottles and things (he knows I love those things, so he keeps them for me)... just lots of cool stuff. The shipping alone was $40 - I just couldn't believe it. So bloody generous to me. It made me smile for the next couple of hours.

I then came inside, made dinner and spilled it all over myself several times, watched Haunted Highway and Celebrity Ghost Stories, then finished and submitted my ahis Religion tute paper before I could finally have a good look at my new stash.

Labels: best friend, Brumbies, deaf, diflucan one, doctors, ear infection, eczema, ex, fell over again, head pain, IBS, iPhone 5, ocd, PMD, presents, reconstructed shoulder, scripts, torn discs, Yosemite